Monday, April 14, 2008

Feminist

After a long time, today I felt like penning my thoughts again…
If you ask me why… well… maybe because am at home, this is the time that I synchronize me with, well, none other than me :) . Being at home is like being in heaven, right? There might be no 'I-am-great' feeling there, no high-funda life, still everything about home is special… home gives you a feeling a belonging, a feeling of self…
Hmmm… I guess am getting too worked with the question ‘why’. Lemme now tell you what I wanna share with you. Was at kitchen today, making ‘payasam’, today being vishu. And that old feminist spirit came to me again. To make it clear, I am not that kind of a feminist whose pictures come in newspapers all the time, who insist on the other gender asking for forgiveness all through. I am one of another kind, who feels that feminism is all about the way a woman lives, to be able to give vent to her feelings, to be able to make people close to her understand, what she wants, and to understand what others need from her. She is not the ultimate power, nor does she craves for power, its all about understanding others as well as fulfilling her wishes.
The other day, I heard about a girl who was forced to spend her life in a kitchen. She was not the least happy doing these household jobs. She felt useless, and considered her life useless. To be honest to myself, I don’t think that its some useless job, it’s actually the most challenging job that someone can ever take up. And only women can do this job to perfection, not her muscled counterparts. It’s as much interesting as any disciplined profession can be. But just like you can’t force a doctor to join the PWD department, you can’t force someone who is not interested to take this up. Anyone can earn, work in an organization they like or not, for the sake of making money, but its only few who can make others happy by keeping themselves happy. And this is not something applicable to girls alone; it’s applicable to everyone dreaming of a happy life.
I dream about my future too, and I know exactly where my preferences are, whatever I say. And it’s about knowing oneself by a woman, which should be called feminism, not anything else…
And am proud to say that I am feminist; I place my family above everything else…

Friday, November 16, 2007

Time? Standstill?? Never...

Well.. I was just wondering, how good it would have been if we can stop time... When I want to sleep late, I keep the alarm switched off, and at times, I even go to the extend of taking the batery off my clock so that it would stop ticking and will not remind me of the times ahead which I am afraid to face.. But, there are certain moments in life, which can always be brought back to reality just by closing our eyes for a moment or so. Have you ever tried that and seen those images for yourself? Someone crying onto your shoulders, holding onto a dear ones hands tightly, and those moments of boredom while sitting with friends might then have seemed to be an eternity, but now is a loving memory.
I spent my time last week with people whom I love(considering the fact that I have been tolerating nearlt 4 years of hostel life), and each moment which passed by is still clear in my minds eye... I would have loved to hold onto those moments forever, but fortuately or unfortunately (I dont know which one), it is not possible to do that. It has become a memory now, and howmuchever I cherish it, I can never go back and experience it all over again. It was the 'present' of the 'past' and all I can do is to wish for more such happy days.
And talkin about that, isn't every moment which passes by supposed to bring happiness to us? Why do we have to take everything seriously and not lightly? When I write that sentence and someone reads it, they wil say, "Wow.. Lets try doing that", and when I actually tell the same thing to someone, they will glare at me, and when I put my words to action and actually start taking things lightly, people wonder why am I being so kiddish... well... aren't we all supposed to be like kids??? If not, then I hate the fact that I am a grown up.. :(
God.. where did I start and where did I end up? See, this is the miracle of time. U never know where it will take you, and once you are there, at this moment, there is no goin back, you can only look back...
Let me dwelve into those moments behind me, and let this moment go by me...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Colours of darkness

Does darkness have colours? I was wondering about this when I was lying down in my hostel room yesterday, having nothing to do other than reflecting my own thoughts. I could see shadows lurking behind me, and when I wanted, I could even see then before me, beside me and everywhere I wanted it to. I could assign faces to empty patches in front of me...
Well.. I could just see whatever I wanted to. Isnt that really fascinating? the colours n faces in darkness.... it reflects what I want it to... maybe its a scientific phenomenon since black is a color that has all colours in it, and the light can disperse it to specific components... maybe, but am not sure....
when i am happy, its happiness that I can see, and if I miss anyone, I can see them, next to me. when I am sad, I could cry into it, and it was as if there was someone listening to whatever I wanted to say, and comforting me, and I now find in this, a very good friend, someone I can always rely upon...

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

A 'scrap'??

Smile.. like you have never smiled before... coz life is waiting for u!!!!
Well.. i started writing this when i came across one of the scraps in my Orkut scrapbook... it was from some unknown friend, asking me whether i am a happy person. Needless to say, the question striked odd to me, and I answered it in a very diplomatic way saying that happiness depends upon how a person decides to look at it and that its entirely based upon his perspective. But this rather curious 'friend' (Im inclined to call him clever!), asked me to give a direct answer. and then, as you can very well imagine, i said that im of course happy (Come on, im a googler. how can't i be happy??). I thought he would stop it right there, but he didn't, he proceeded onto his next question. How happy am I?.. Come on, it does look easy, but hey, hold your reins before coming to that conclusion... its not that easy. How happy am I??? How do I measure happiness? N I told him that precisely, that I dont know to measure happiness and that I have never wanted to do it, either. The reply was prompt, like always, he said it depends upon those wishes in my life which others knew nothing about and still came true. That would give a measure of quantity of my happiness.. well.. rather absurd, right? But believe me, I have never ever pondered over a scrap for so long as this one. Each time I read this, I see it in a different light. I started wondering whether its all true. I started thinking whether Im really happy. Something which I dont usually do. And know what? The more I thought about it, the more I felt that Im unhappy. I(and you too, of course!) can easily find reasons for unhappiness in anything and everything. But is it really about what we search for. Its about what we find na. There is this really interesting saying by who else, the great Winnie the Pooh, "Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called... Isn't that wat happiness is all about???
Yes. It is... N its about reaffirming oneself, and looking beyond all abnormalities, and saying to oneself "I AM HAPPY!!!"

Thursday, October 26, 2006

A note for you...

Man, I’m here
Inside this prison
Waiting for you
To help me out of this
Into the beautiful world
Where I can feel your presence,
I can hold your hands
And walk and walk.

You are my soul and life,
The one I behold to.
But for sure, these days
A great shadow will fall upon me.
And a mistake it will be
If I don’t tell you now
That I love you, for
I might never be able to, again...

Saturday, October 21, 2006

I AM A HAPPY PERSON...

I am too happy… know why?? Because I just experienced what is called telepathy, when I was in my own world of thoughts; those same thoughts which seem to crowd me whenever I feel I am lonely, though I don’t know whether they come to offer me company so as to say that I am not alone or whether to aggravate my feelings…
Well... I was kind of experiencing this feeling that relationships don’t have any meaning. They are all a tune, to which we all play along like fools. I felt that nobody really understands even when you talk to them about what you want them to understand, when my phone rang. It was my friend on the other end of the phone calling from the other end of the country to ask whether I am feeling alright, and he added that whatever it was going through my head then was not right!! Wasn’t I amazed? There I was, blabbering to myself that friendship doesn’t have any meaning because one of my so-called friends cannot understand me while I was making myself pretty clear, when another one calls up and tells he understands, while we have not seen or spoken with each other for a long time…
I guess it is a late realization, but I did realize that it is not a problem with friendship (and for that matter, any relationship) as such; it was a problem with me, rather, within me. I failed to understand what is true and what is not. Some people just march in to our life, give us some stuff to laugh about and then walk out. They don’t care for us, they only want to make their life lively, and there are these other bunch of people who might not always make us laugh, but then they will be there for us with a tissue when we cry, or they may just pop up, as if from thin air, when we are about to cry. Isn’t that just great? Of course it is. And I love them for it.
There might not be so much of people who act that way. But if you have got one person like that near you, then consider yourself really lucky… At such moments; don’t take it to be a coincidence. Once my cousin told me, in life there is nothing called coincidence. Things happen only because they are meant to happen that way!!!
And today, I was just thinking about this friend of mine and wondering to what extend he understands me, while he called up to wish me a happy Diwali. Really, I doubt if it is just a coincidence…
These moments in my life are very very special to me; when someone shows they do care, they do love; when all the love and care inside me seems to disintegrate into I don’t know what. And once I am convinced that I am not really as bad as I thought I am, I feel that all what I felt I lost have come back to me, a rejuvenate effect, I should say…
Looking back at such moments always make me happy. If I try to draw a circle and put people who are very important for me inside it, it might be just 4 or 5 inside it. But these people can do wonders in my life, like drawing a map for me when I feel I’m completely lost (A bad example to show that they care, eh? But then, I can’t think of anything better!). But do you know where we usually make mistakes? In reading that map. It is usually interpreted the wrong way. I don’t know about others. But I usually end up with the wrong road chosen, goodness knows how I manage to do that, and then one of them has to come along, and take me hand in hand to the right path!
God! Where did I start and where did I end up??? If it goes this way, I would end up as the director of some art move, I reckon. And since I don’t want to make myself bored watching that movie, I better stop writing making a point clear; I am happy… I am happy about who I am, what I am and I am happy for those who are around me, and I am also happy that someone just took the pains of reading this ;)

Saturday, October 14, 2006

I SIMPLY LOVED THESE

I may not be an avid reader, but then there are those moments in life when a book in hand brings so much of peace to the heart... Here are some of the sentences, and phrases from some of the books I have read and which had a profound impact on me. I don’t know whether they gave me the right notion about things, since I am a person who is never sure of anything. That’s what life has taught me. Never expect anything and in case you do, don’t be so sure of it... Anyways, here I go…

Paulo Coelho in his book ‘The zahir’ says,
‘History will never change because of politics or conquests or theories or wars; that’s mere repetition, it’s been going on since the beginning of time. History will only change when we are able to use the energy of love, just as we use the energy of the wind, the seas, the storm… “

It’s Paulo Coelho again in ‘The devil and Miss Prym’,
“Evil needed to manifest itself, for them to understand the value of Good. Just as the traitor in the Bible, soon after betraying Jesus, understood what he had done, so the people… “

I just can’t seem to be able to leave Paulo Coelho’s sentences. Hey… he might be writing on paper, but then his words are manifested as if by magic, directly to the hearts of the readers… he says in ‘The Alchemist’,
“Everything in life is an omen. There is a universal language, understood by everybody, but already forgotten…”

And maybe I should read more of other authors, because I am haunted by what I read of Paulo Coelho. But then, he is not the only person. There is Norman Vincent Peale, the father of positive thinking. All his books seem to have so much in them which we know we should accept and which we feel, we understand, but do neither, like most other things in life…

A thought can ruin you. But a thought can also make u.
The one person who most blocks you from a full, happy and successful life is ‘you’. Yes. You yourself.
It is utterly pathetic to go through life and never be moved, never excited, never enthusiastic, but always remaining listless. To be turned off and empty is surely to deny oneself the exquisite joy possible to a human being in the all too short span of years most of us have.
The creative power of enthusiasm will manifest itself through your body, mind and spirit to enhance your life.

Hey... Aren’t these real good? Can’t one relate oneself to some instances when they go through these sentences? It might be something they already know, but being able to relate it gives a good feeling… doesn’t it???

And then there was this sentence which I came across in my Software Engineering book,
“The external manifestation of an error is not directly related to its internal cause in most cases…”
The author must have meant about the errors in the software concept, but I found an application for this in almost all the problems I see around me, and in me. Usually, the cause for a problem will be entirely different from the way it is being projected. I just loved it (though I found it entirely by chance. It happened to be the first sentence in one of the few pages I have ever taken the pains of reading!!!)

Let me wind this up with a small quote, which I have accepted as my rule of life,
“Enjoy the little things for one day you may look back and realize they were big things…”

MISINTERPRETATIONS OF THE WORD ‘LOVE’

Love- it is that wonderful feeling which is largely described as masses as that which cannot be defined… but then, it is love that makes everything else definable. It is love when someone understands you and it is the same love which comes to play when you can understand someone... it is pure and it does have ‘that’ in it to make everything in those who come to it to be made pure, innocent, lovely, wonderful… it liberates one from all the feelings to which he has enslaved himself, knowingly and unknowingly.

‘Love’ has become the buzzword today… though the word is still misinterpreted largely.
The word means ‘something’ to the youth today. For most of them, it is that feeling they have when they see someone of the opposite sex whom they can go along with comfortably. Friendship is often mistaken for love. And then there was this popular movie which said ‘pyar dosthi hein; dosthi pyar hein...’ Of course, there is an element of love in friendship since it is love that binds human together. But this love shouldn’t be mistaken for the license to go propose one’s friend, because one should get married not to the one they can live with, but to the one they cannot live without...

The biggest mistake among all the misinterpretations would be the one where people go to one and ask, “Are you in love?” This question is utterly pointless. What they mean is of course whether you are going out with anyone, but the way the question is framed is, well I can’t find another word for it, disgusting!! Love is that which lights a smile on a mother’s face when she sees her baby, the pride of a dad, the care of a brother, that understanding grin between you and your sister... It is that which makes you feel that your friend is now feeling bored in class and the laughs that the chit of paper you pass to him bring about... It is not a feeling that exists only between a boyfriend and a girlfriend.

Love is that feeling which makes you care more and more, when you say ‘I don’t care’. We care for those whom we love... and it is from love that all the other feelings arise- compassion, generosity, friendship and humour too, since a genuine smile is involved only where we are involved truly, and love exists at all such instances.

And talking about relationships, it is still a widely accepted notion that it is only in blood relationships that there is an element of love. What we see around us in the relationships would disprove that notion. We see parents brutally murdering their kids while at the same time there are friends dying for each other, a wife killing her husband while a girl commits suicide so that her eyes can be donated to her loved one, brothers not talking with each other because they feel that the other sibling is just ‘not their type’ when a virtual brother does everything in the world to see that his ‘sister’ is happy…

It is not that there is no love at all in a family; it is just that it can’t be called a family when there is no love... The members of the family may not have to be directly related, but they have to be caring and understanding. Even the complete strangers from entirely different backgrounds, living together in a room can live happily if there is love between them…

Another thing which is really difficult for me to accept is when someone says, “I understand the love you have”; really, is it possible to understand love?? When we decide to understand it, it leaves us bewildered, and then when we try to understand, things may seem to fall in place, but when we reach a point where we feel that we are close to the ‘understanding’ we were looking for, everything seems to be confusing and we find ourselves at the spot where we started from.. This is the power of love; no one can truly understand it, even if he experiences it…

I am not sure whether these really are some misinterpretations, because what might seem to be a misinterpretation may actually be the right one wrongly taken for granted over a long period of time.. But then the love I have towards these words and ideas compels me to put it down on paper, rather on the screen!!